I almost quit.
No, not quit. Quitting would imply that I was being held responsible to someone, that there would be some sort of conversation, that I would be held accountable if I didn’t go on any further.
Perhaps quit isn’t the right word. Giving up. I almost gave up.
So far keeping this blog and my commitment to the blog has been easy. What I’ve posted was already written. I wrote that all for the e-book. Here I was able to just cut and paste and post. The pictures even – already taken. It was simply a matter of setting up the post and hitting publish. No problem.
I started this way intentionally. I wanted to see if I could commit to posting. If I would sit down long enough even to just organize a post every week, let alone actually create new content. And I did it, and it felt good. I posted every week – root chakra to crown – and that was that.
And then Sunday came along, and I thought “what the fuck am I going to write about? What do I have to say? And who cares?”
This is the problem.
This idea that in order to be creating content there needs to be someone out there who wants to see it. The idea that to be of value, someone needs to establish my worth.
No one is reading this yet. That’s okay. No one may ever read this. That’s okay too. That was never the point. From the beginning, the idea behind this whole project was simply to share. To create for the sake of creation.
I have a message, I have this information and I want to share it. To the ethers, the record, whoever – maybe no one.
But it’s hard not to get caught up in a numbers game.
Lao Tzu, in the Tao Te Ching, says:
This is the way of heaven. Do you work then quietly step back.
And there it is. So I will continue. I will write because I have a voice, I will post because I have a message. Regardless of the outcome, regardless of the readership, regardless of the likes, the dislikes the comments or the follows.
I will continue. I will not give up. I will create the space for this blog to take on whichever shape it needs to take. For my soul to speak. And this takes the pressure off. Writing for me. Speaking for my soul. This feels good. This I can handle.
Besides, in B-School, Marie Forleo says you’ve gotta give it two years. Commit for two full years, regardless of the outcome. So this is my commitment. Two years, non-negotiable. Just keep on sharing.